Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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