I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
True strength comes from lack of pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
