i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
