They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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