There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
