Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
