Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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