so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
