Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
