You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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