you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
