PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
