i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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