we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
