I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
