Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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