Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
