i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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