Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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