That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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