it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
