Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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