Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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