My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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