I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
