If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
