I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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