My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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