well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize