so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
