Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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