So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
