i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
vagina is talking i cant
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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