She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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