you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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