so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize