I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
