My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
