he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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