so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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