i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
