I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
