This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
