when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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