and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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