I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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