i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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