I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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