just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
