I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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