that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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