dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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