so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
