So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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