We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
