i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We talked him into tasing himself.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
