Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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