You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
