How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
