4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
