sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
