Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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