Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
