At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
