So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
