After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
