im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
