She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
