i was born a porn star she said
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
