Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This baby is an asshole
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
