we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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