Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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