Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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