Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
