My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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