i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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