i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
