capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
