It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
