i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
