Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
vagina is talking i cant
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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