Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
