i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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