It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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