you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
