allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
