This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
