Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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