I want to make a zoo with you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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