Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
