Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
