We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
