the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ketchup is God's man juice
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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