Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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