his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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