Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
as a side note pls kill me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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