You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize