How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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