Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
