i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think my mom watched the whole time
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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