I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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