I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
