Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
