If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
