Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
