Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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