I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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