Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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