I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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