Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize