it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
