Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dear god my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
