Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
