i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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