A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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