the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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