You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
